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  She collected another box to carry in. This time, though, the short walk from the supply truck to the hospital was accompanied by the sudden renewal of the cramping in her abdomen. Evelyn forced herself to breathe through the mild pain. She probably shouldn’t be hefting boxes, but she didn’t want to draw attention to herself by not helping either. If she carried only those boxes that weighed very little, though, she could surely keep the cramps from worsening.

  After discarding her second box, she moved back outside to the truck and discreetly asked one of the drivers which boxes contained only bandages. He pointed to several sitting beside the truck. Evelyn piled two of the featherlight boxes on top of each other and carried them inside. She paused beside the stairs to catch her breath when the pain came again. This time she selected only one box when she returned to the truck. The less she did, the more likely she could get the ache to go away.

  As she’d hoped, her slowness went unnoticed and allowed her to carry fewer boxes than the others. Once both trucks had been emptied, Sister Marcelle made quick work of dividing the supplies among the wards. Evelyn and Alice were assigned to take new supplies to the recovery ward, then another set to one of the surgery wards.

  Evelyn selected the lightest boxes again and stacked three of them on top of each other. The sooner she finished carrying things, the sooner she’d feel better.

  A blur of movement and a thatch of dark hair alerted her to Louis’s presence even before he reached her side. “Good morning, Louis. Look what we got today…” Evelyn let her words trail off at the distraught look on the boy’s face.

  “Nurse Gray, you have to come. Please.” Louis loosened one of her hands from around the boxes and tugged on it. “Ma mère is sick. Too sick to get out of bed.”

  “Oh no.” She glanced at the grandfather clock in the entry and stifled a groan. She had only fifteen minutes before she had to assist Dr. Dupont in surgery. While standing seemed a better activity than lugging boxes in her present condition, she wished she could rest beforehand.

  “I wish I could come, Louis. But I can’t.” She hated the crestfallen expression that leaked into his dark eyes. “I’m due to be in the surgery ward after we unload these boxes. I can try and come when I’m finished. All right?”

  Louis gave a courageous nod, though his gaze shifted to the floor. Going down on one knee, Evelyn bit back a gasp at the stab of agony below her belly. Why wasn’t the pain going away? She felt someone watching her and glanced up to see Alice waiting for her.

  Planting a false smile on her face, for Louis and Alice, Evelyn set down the boxes and brushed a lock of black hair off the boy’s forehead. “Tell me quickly about her symptoms.”

  Louis ran a hand beneath his nose. “She is hot but says she is cold, even with a blanket. She does not want to eat or drink.” He lifted his chin to look Evelyn in the eye. “I am scared, Nurse Gray.”

  I am, too. The cramps were increasing in magnitude with every minute and becoming harder to ignore. She needed to lie down, but what excuse could she give to be free of her duties? She couldn’t simply disappear without an explanation.

  She swallowed back her own fear and pulled Louis into an embrace. “You are very brave, Louis. You must keep being brave.” She released him and gripped his shoulders. “Do you know how to make tea?”

  He nodded.

  “Good. Make some tea for your mother and spoon as much of it into her as she’ll let you. You can also wet a cloth and place it on her forehead. I will try to come as soon as I can.”

  “Okay.” He jutted his small chin, then turned and sprinted out the front doors. Evelyn lifted her boxes and followed Alice through the hospital in the direction of the recovery ward.

  “What’s wrong with his mother?” her roommate asked.

  “It sounds like influenza. I’ll check on her as soon as I’m done with—” She sucked in a sharp breath through her teeth.

  “Is something wrong, Evelyn?”

  Evelyn shook her head. It’s going to go away—I just need to lie down.

  Her eyes sought out the bed in the corner as they entered the recovery ward, even though Evelyn knew the patient lying there wasn’t Joel. How was he getting along at the convalescent home? Did he think of her as much as she thought of him?

  After helping Alice unload the boxes in the supply closet, Evelyn trailed her upstairs to gather the supplies for the surgery ward. By the time they descended the stairs to the basement, sweat beaded on Evelyn’s forehead. She felt hot and clammy.

  “I’m going to slip into the bathroom,” she said once they had the boxes inside the supply closet. “I’ll be right back.”

  Alice gave an unconcerned nod and opened the first box. Evelyn forced her feet to move at a normal pace to the bathroom, despite a sudden buzzing in her head. Once inside she sank to the floor, her knees drawn up to her chest to ease the pain.

  She stared at the wooden planks of the floor as she tried to breathe normally. One shoe had come unlaced amid the flurry of activity. She bent forward to tie the lace, but she froze at the sight of a bright crimson spot between her shoes.

  The sisters were meticulous when it came to a clean hospital. No one would have missed mopping up blood like this. Besides, it was too bright to be old.

  Evelyn rose slowly to her feet. Another spot appeared, then another. Terror as chilling as winter crashed over her. Her knees buckled with the force of it and she crumpled back to the floor. A tortured cry hurtled from her lips to the opposite wall at the thought of losing her baby. The bathroom began to tip and spin around her. She squeezed her eyes shut against the dizzying movement.

  Please, make it stop. Please let the baby be fine.

  “Evelyn?” Alice tapped on the door. “Are you all right? I thought I heard you say something.”

  Somehow she hauled herself to her feet, though she gripped the door handle to keep from losing her balance again, and opened the door. She would have to leave the blood spots and hope someone else assumed they’d simply been overlooked when the ward had been scrubbed down.

  “Can you help me back to the nurses’ building?” she pled through clenched teeth. “I…don’t think I can make it there on my own and I need to lie down.”

  Alice’s eyes widened with surprise, but her reaction was quickly replaced by her nurse’s demeanor. “Of course. Let’s get you to bed. You’re looking really pale.”

  Evelyn draped an arm around Alice’s shoulders, grateful no one else was in the ward yet. She could slip away unnoticed for now. Her relief ended as quickly as it had come in the wake of the pain and fear clawing at her insides.

  Managing the stairs and the long walk across the lawn depleted what little energy she had left, but she was determined to ride out her discomfort in the privacy of the nurses’ building. Their ascent up the flight of stairs to the second floor took twice as long as normal. Every few steps, she made Alice pause in their progress. Her roommate patiently did so, thankfully keeping whatever questions she had to herself.

  Evelyn directed Alice to help her into the bathroom. Once on the floor, she laid her head against the planks, grateful to no longer be moving.

  “There’s one more thing,” she murmured. Alice knelt down beside her. “I need you to take my place in the surgery ward today. Can you get someone to cover for you in the recovery ward?”

  “Yes. Is there something I should tell the doctor?”

  “Tell him…”

  The awful truth pushed forward in her mind, but she fought it back. She wouldn’t even think it. If she did, her heart would irrevocably break.

  “Just tell him I’m ill.” It could be true. There was still a chance the baby would be fine.

  Alice placed a hand on Evelyn’s forehead. “You’re not feverish, but you feel sweaty. What are your other symptoms?”

  Agony. Terror. Heartbreak at the thought of losing my baby.

  “Some cramping.” Her voice did nothing to betray the turmoil roiling through her mind and body. “I’ll be f
ine.”

  “I’ll get a cloth for your head.” Alice rose to her feet, but she stopped at the door. “Why don’t I bring some towels, too? I think you’ve started your regular bleeding. There’s a trail from here to the stairs and a mark on the back of your dress.”

  So much blood. Too much. Tears leaked from Evelyn’s eyes and she squeezed them shut. If only Joel were here, to wrap her in his strong arms, to steal away her dread and pain with his kisses.

  “What’s wrong?” The creak of the floorboards and a hand on her shoulder told her Alice had returned to her side. The compassion in her friend’s tone was Evelyn’s undoing.

  “I’m miscarrying,” she whispered before her voice broke on a sob.

  “Y-You’re pregnant?”

  “Yes.” She opened her eyes to Alice’s astonished expression.

  “Who’s the father?” Alice asked in a gentle tone as she removed Evelyn’s crushed cap and set it aside.

  “His name was Ralph Kelley. He was killed in the same battle that brought Corporal Campbell here.” Speaking their names aloud filled Evelyn with renewed anguish. “They were best friends, you see.”

  “Oh, Evelyn.” Alice reached for her hand. “I don’t even know what to say. I’m so sorry.”

  Evelyn gritted her teeth—the pain was beginning to move with greater force into her lower back. “Don’t worry about me,” she said in a tight whisper. “Thank you for helping with the surgery.”

  Alice jumped to her feet. “I’m coming back to check on you the minute I can get away. All right? Let me get those towels before I go.”

  A glimmer of comfort, and relief at telling someone else her secret, shone through Evelyn’s fears for a brief moment. She wasn’t alone in all of this—Alice would help her.

  Alice left the bathroom and reappeared a few minutes later with three or four towels in her arms. She positioned all but one underneath Evelyn. “Here, you can bite on this.” She pressed the last towel into Evelyn’s hand.

  “What for?”

  “My mother had two miscarriages and four children. She said biting the towel helped her deal with the pain. How far along are you?”

  Evelyn tried calculating the weeks in her head, but her mind felt fuzzy. “Thirteen, maybe fourteen weeks.”

  “That’s going to mean more blood.”

  “I know.” The woozy feeling from earlier bathed her again, reminding her of the night she’d sliced her hand and Joel had bandaged it. What would he think if he knew she was experiencing something infinitely worse than a small cut?

  “Are you sure you don’t want me to tell anyone?” Alice asked. “I could talk to Dr. Dupont.”

  “No. Please just cover for me.”

  Alice squeezed Evelyn’s hand where it clutched the towel. “I’ll be praying for you, too. And I promise I’ll be back.”

  Alice’s absence brought the press of silence. The nurses’ building was largely deserted during the day, while those on the day shift worked at the hospital and those on the night shift slept. Evelyn welcomed the quiet, but she hated the feeling of isolation it brought.

  The stabbing cramps reached to her knees now. Her muscles felt as if they were being twisted tighter and tighter. She sensed the flow of blood increasing. Clamping her teeth down on the towel, she let out a groaning sob that the material thankfully muffled.

  Would Joel still want to marry her if she lost the baby? Wasn’t that his main reason for asking her to be his wife, despite all his tender looks and fervent kisses? The uncertainty filled Evelyn with a piercing loneliness she hadn’t felt since her father’s death. Would she lose Joel, the man she loved so dearly, along with her last tangible connection to Ralph? All her bright hopes and dreams for the future—a future that until this morning had included Joel and a baby—were slipping away and she could do nothing to stop them.

  * * *

  “Nurse Gray?”

  The masculine voice penetrated the numbing cloud shrouding Evelyn’s mind. How long had she been lying here on this hard floor? She lifted her eyelids and found Dr. Dupont peering down at her. Alice stood behind his shoulder.

  “I—I’m sorry, Doctor.” Had he seen the blood? “I’ll…I’ll be back in surgery…” Her voice faded when he shook his head.

  “You will worry about no such a thing.” The dark eyes behind his glasses exuded concern and kindness. “Nurse Thornton told me everything. You have already lost a lot of blood. I am going to carry you to the surgery ward, then we will perform a dilation and curettage.”

  Before Evelyn could argue or agree, the doctor gently hoisted her into his arms. “We will have to go through the woods to avoid being seen.”

  “What about the…mess?” Her voice sounded so weak and quiet, even to herself.

  “I’ll clean it up as soon as we’re done in surgery.” Alice’s face registered her worry as she covered Evelyn with a blanket.

  Dr. Dupont carried her down the stairs and outside. The movement jostled her pain-riddled body, but Evelyn gripped the towel in her hand as hard as she could to keep from crying out. The doctor cut toward the trees and into the shade of the forest. Evelyn shut her eyes as dizziness threatened to overwhelm her.

  Sunshine on her face and the crunch of gravel underfoot told her the moment they left the woods to traverse the drive in front of the hospital. She expected them to enter the main doors at any minute, but instead Dr. Dupont continued walking.

  “There is a cellar entrance that is not used much,” he explained quietly in her ear.

  Soon the warm afternoon air gave way to the cool interior of the basement. Evelyn shivered and opened her eyes as the doctor carried her into his now vacant surgery room. He carefully placed her on the operating table.

  “Let me rest and I’ll be fine,” she protested. “I—I don’t want you to use any of our new supplies.”

  Dr. Dupont came to stand at her side. “You need this procedure, Nurse Gray. Please allow me and Nurse Thornton to help you. You cannot go without this. Not with how far along the baby was and with how much blood you have lost already.” He rested his hand against her arm, bringing warmth to her shivering body. “I told you once you remind me of my Bridgette. Since I cannot help her, please allow me to help you.”

  His fatherly tone renewed her tears, but Evelyn felt compelled to say, “I made a mistake…”

  The doctor shook his head, his eyes full of compassion. “This unfortunate turn of events today is not because of your mistake. It is what it is, and nothing more. And now we must stop your suffering and prevent something far worse from happening.”

  She hated the idea of them using supplies and medication on her that were meant for the wounded soldiers. She hadn’t fought bravely at the front; instead she’d broken the rules. If she’d only gone home weeks ago and bravely faced her grandparents’ disappointment, perhaps she would still have the baby.

  But then I wouldn’t have come to know Joel.

  The thought brought her only temporary comfort. Her body felt as if it had turned against itself. “All right,” she whispered in defeat. “Go ahead.”

  Alice moved to stand at Evelyn’s head. “Here’s the chloroform,” she said in a calm voice.

  She rested the mask an inch above Evelyn’s face and applied the chloroform to the gauze. Evelyn forced herself to take long, even breaths. Lying flat on her back heightened the awful pain.

  “You’re doing great, Evelyn,” Alice soothed. She replaced the chloroform mask with the ether one. “Everything’s going to be okay.”

  Evelyn clung to those words, though she knew nothing would ever be okay again. The happy scenes she’d daydreamed of her and Joel and the baby back home together in Michigan would never be a reality. Twice now her greatest dreams and wishes had been yanked from her grasp. Fresh tears spilled from her eyes just before the anesthesia pulled her down and away from the horror of the morning.

  Chapter 14

  I brought you some supper,” Alice announced with a hopeful smile.

&
nbsp; Evelyn eyed the bread and meat Alice set on the bedside table, then turned to face the wall again. She’d memorized every line and crack. “Thank you, but I’m not hungry.”

  Alice blew out a sigh and sat down on the edge of Evelyn’s bed. “You need to eat sometime, Evelyn. Won’t you at least try the bread?”

  Evelyn wanted to yell at Alice to go away, to stop checking on her. But even in the midst of her apathy, shock, and morphine-controlled pain, she was conscious enough to keep a civil tongue. Alice had been nothing but kind and solicitous. And so had Dr. Dupont.

  After Evelyn had awaken from the surgery the day before, the doctor had carried her back to the nurses’ building and given her strict charge not to leave her bed for two days, other than to use the bathroom. Alice later relayed how Dr. Dupont had told Sister Marcelle and the other staff that Evelyn was quite ill and needed rest.

  “Okay,” she said with a sigh. “I’ll try the bread.”

  Alice beamed as if Evelyn had agreed to smuggle Sergeant Dennis into the hospital. She handed Evelyn the hard roll, but she made no move to leave.

  “I promise to eat it.” Evelyn took a bite as proof. She wanted to be left alone again, to not have to think of conversation, to not have to think at all.

  “Good. How’s the pain today?”

  Evelyn shrugged. “Bearable.”

  What she couldn’t manage was the hole in her heart. The pain there hurt worse than anything else she’d experienced in the past two days. Her baby was gone, leaving behind a deep hollowness inside her. Even her arms felt bereft, as if they, too, were mourning the loss of ever holding an infant. Tears, her constant companion, dripped down her cheeks.

  “What can I do, Evelyn?” Alice brushed aside some hair from Evelyn’s forehead and handed her the still damp handkerchief Evelyn had dropped onto the bed earlier. “Do you want to talk?”

  “No.” Evelyn shook her head. “I don’t know.” She dabbed at her wet face. “Maybe.”

  In between bites of bread, Evelyn told Alice everything—meeting Ralph, learning she was pregnant, discovering Ralph had been killed, her proposal to Joel, and his eventually asking her to marry him.