The Renegade's Redemption Page 15

  Jacob was the first to comply. “All right. Come on, Ginny and Mark.”

  Once they’d exited the barn, Ravena turned toward Tex. She rubbed her lips together, a sure sign she was nervous. His trepidation began to multiply.

  “Want a seat?” He gestured to the other stool and the overturned milk pails.

  “No.” She pulled the envelope from her pocket and fingered the front of it. The barn echoed with stillness before Ravena released a sigh. In the quiet, it sounded as loud as a gunshot. “I know about the money, Tex.”

  He blinked, unsure he’d heard her correctly. “What?”

  “I know about the money.”

  Dread pulsed through him, thundering in his ears and squeezing his lungs. How had she learned about his stolen loot? Did she know he was the Texas Titan too? But if that was the case, why didn’t she sound angrier? He feigned intense concentration on the woodcarving in his hand as he casually replied, “You do, huh?”

  “Yes, I do.” Ravena dropped onto the other stool. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

  He loosened his grip on the small knife, fearing if he gripped it any tighter it would slip and cut him. He kept his gaze leveled at the little bird. “I wasn’t sure...”

  “You let me think it was Tate who’d sent it. But it was you,” she said, her tone contemplative. “Why didn’t you tell me about the money sooner?”

  Tex lifted his head, confusion pushing at his fear. “You mean the money I sent here, for you?”

  The hint of a smile appeared on her lips—the very ones he’d wished to kiss last night. “Yes. What did you think I was talking about?”

  He shrugged, going back to her earlier question. “I guess I wanted to remain anonymous awhile longer.” He brushed flecks of wood from his creation. “How did you find out?”

  She turned the envelope around, revealing his own handwriting on the front of it. “Luke and Fanny were playing in the parlor and they got into one of your saddlebags.”

  Had they taken his map? Knowing how much Quincy wanted it, he was determined to keep it and protect it. Or maybe that was just plain stubbornness.

  He ignored that last thought. “Did they pull things out?”

  “They did. But I had them put everything back.” She motioned to the saddlebags. “I still think it’s best if you keep them out here.”

  “I’ll do that.”

  She nodded, though she remained seated, her hesitation obvious.

  “Is there something else you wanted to say?” If so, he wasn’t sure he wanted to hear it.

  “I think I understand now how you made your money all these years.”

  Her eyes were on the envelope in her hands, so she didn’t see the color he felt draining from his face. Tex swallowed hard, feeling like there was a boulder in his throat and an anvil on his chest.

  “And how is that?” He barely managed to push the words out his dry mouth. Maybe she had brought him his saddlebags so he could leave after all, despite what she’d told the children.

  Ravena’s gaze rose to his. “You’ve been searching for treasure. The kind the map in your bag leads to.”

  Tex choked back a startled laugh. This wasn’t the answer he’d expected from her, though he felt strong relief that she didn’t know the truth. Or at least all of it. In a way he had been searching for treasure all these years—but the treasure wasn’t hidden, it just belonged to other people.

  The easiest option would be for him to tell her that she was right. Treasure hunter was a far more acceptable occupation than thief. But Tex didn’t want to lie to Ravena. Not after all she’d done for him and not when they’d become friends again. But what could he say without revealing too much?

  “I didn’t set out looking for that treasure map,” he admitted. “I got it by chance, winning it in that poker game, along with the gold coin.”

  To his surprise, she climbed to her feet, signaling the conversation was nearing an end. “Is that what the map leads to? More of those coins?”

  “Yes, silver ones too.”

  “Will you go search for them?” A shadow passed over her face as she added, “After you leave here, I mean.”

  Regarding her, standing there as regal as any queen could have been, Tex had the strangest desire to ask her to come with him when he left. She never would—she wouldn’t leave these children. But he was beginning to see that the longer he stayed here, the harder it was going to be to say goodbye to her. He’d been too angry, at Tate and the world, and too afraid to come back to say goodbye to her last time, even if Ravena had deserved a proper farewell. Would he have the courage and the fortitude to say it this time and then ride away afterward?

  He cleared his throat and busied himself with the wood. “I’d like to see where it leads to,” he answered.

  “I hope it leads you to what you’re wanting, Tex.” Her earlier resignation seeped into her tone, but he knew she was talking about far more than the map or its supposed treasure. She was talking about him, about them. His heart twisted painfully inside his chest. “I’ll send the children back in for the rest of their lesson.”

  She moved toward the open barn doors, then turned back. “Thank you, Tex. For sending that money through the years. It’s nice to know that you hadn’t...well, hadn’t forgotten us.”

  He forced himself to look from the unfinished carving to her beautiful face. “You’re welcome. I hope it helped.”

  “It did.”

  Nodding acceptance of her gratitude, he made his mouth turn up in a crooked smile. “I’m glad to hear that.” He couldn’t maintain his joviality though when he added in a low voice, “And you’re right. I didn’t forget you.”

  He hadn’t gone more than a few days at a time through the years without thinking of her. Without wondering what she was doing, if she was married, if she’d forgotten him. Perhaps that was the other reason he’d sent the money. Not just as a way to help her and to atone for his abandonment, but also as a way to ensure he entered her thoughts now and then, even if she didn’t know for certain if the money came from him.

  She shot him a grateful smile before she walked away, taking her warmth and light and goodness with her.

  Hanging his head to his chest, Tex gulped in a breath of air. He ought to feel relief that she still didn’t know about his outlaw career. But he didn’t feel liberated or grateful. Instead he felt like a fraud, an imposter.

  “I’m trying to make it right,” he whispered, not even sure if he was attempting to say a prayer or not.

  He’d helped with the planting and he’d accepted her challenge to finish the house and prove to himself he wasn’t like his father. And yet, the more he settled in here, the more Tex knew what he was really proving—that his history as an outlaw and his life at the farm the last five weeks couldn’t exist independent of each other forever. Sooner or later they would run together and Tex hated to think what the resulting consequence would be.

  * * *

  Ravena drove all of the children, with the exception of Jacob, to school the next day in the wagon, so she could post her letter to Miss Morley while in town. A slight drizzle began to fall as she headed back to the farm, but she refused to let it dampen her spirits. Tex would start on the house today.

  On her return, she and Jacob headed to the fields to work, but by midafternoon, the rain had picked up, making it difficult to keep planting. Raindrops dripped off her hat and soaked her dress.

  “We’ll have to call it a day,” she said to Jacob. The boy nodded, looking grateful. They maneuvered through the rivulets of water and mud back to the house where Tex met them on the porch.

  “It’s really coming down.” He shook water from his jacket and removed his hat, revealing tussled brown hair. His slightly disheveled look and the grin he threw her brought the same blossom of attraction she’d felt yesterd
ay, while talking to him in the barn. Especially when he’d told her that he hadn’t forgotten her through the years. “I got in a little more framing before it started to pour.” She’d showed Tex, before leaving with the children, her grandfather’s plans for the house, and she was pleased to hear that he’d gotten right to work.

  After taking off her own hat, Ravena squeezed water from her long hair and did her best to squash any feelings beyond gratitude for Tex. “Hopefully it clears up by tomorrow.”

  “It likely will,” Tex said with typical optimism as he and Jacob followed her inside.

  But contrary to his prediction and Ravena’s hopes, the rain didn’t let up the following day or the one after that. When she woke to drops against her window for the third day in a row, Ravena decided to send Jacob back to school. There’d been little to keep him and Tex busy inside the house or barn and she had no idea when the rain would finally end.

  With all of the children gone, though, and Tex working in the barn to make doors for the new house, a feeling of helplessness pressed in on her. She found herself constantly checking the window, and each time, her disappointment and desperation pricked anew at the steady fall of rain. She couldn’t afford a delay, especially since she’d confidently declared in her letter to Miss Morley that everything was going to work out after all for her to bring the other orphans to the farm.

  Ravena dished up lunch for her and Tex and set it on the table. Instead of going to the barn to call him inside, though, she slumped into a chair. If she let down the orphan boys, how was she supposed to fulfill her grandfather’s wishes and earn his forgiveness?

  The sound of the front door being opened caused her to hop up. She didn’t need Tex witnessing any more of her weak moments.

  “I thought I’d see if lunch was ready,” he said as he entered the kitchen.

  She nodded without turning around. “It is. I just need to cut some bread.”

  “Smells good.” Tex came to stand near her at the sink to wash his hands. “It’s still raining hard out there. Probably was a good thing you sent Jacob back to school.”

  “Yes.” Her voice wobbled slightly, but she hoped Tex wouldn’t notice.

  She could feel his eyes on her as she placed a slice of bread on each of their plates. Returning to the sideboard, she wrapped the rest of the loaf in a towel. “Shall we eat?” Ravena darted a glance at him and found him leaning against the sink, watching her.

  “Mind telling me what’s got you so glum first?”

  “It’s nothing,” she said, looking away.

  His soft chuckle surprised her. “I still know you, Ravena. Even after all these years.”

  Rather than bringing comfort, his remark prompted anger. “If you knew me, then you’d already know that I’m glum about the rain.” She gestured with frustration at the window, then folded her arms. “It’s ruining...all of my plans,” she ended in a near whisper. Tears swam in her eyes at voicing her fear aloud and she lifted a hand to her mouth to keep from sobbing.

  “It won’t last forever,” he said in a gentle tone. His hands framed her shoulders as he rubbed her arms beneath her sleeves, bringing welcome warmth. “The planting and the house will get done.”

  “But what if it doesn’t...”

  As he had after she’d sprained her ankle, Tex pulled her close and wrapped her in an embrace. Unlike the other week, though, Ravena hugged him back. It had been so long since she’d been cradled in his arms like this, and the familiarity of it felt both wonderful and frightening.

  Tex wordlessly rubbed her back, his chin resting lightly against her head. His kindness and the absence of his usual teasing touched her deeply and seemed to open up her grief. The grief she’d only allowed herself to feel here and there since her grandfather’s passing, in quiet moments when no one else could see.

  “I miss him, Tex,” she said, the realization spilling out in between shaky breaths and shuttering sobs. “I miss my grandfather so badly. He was supposed to stay. To be around for so much longer.”

  He stopped his rubbing and tightened his hold around her. “Of course you miss him. And I wish he’d stayed around much longer too.”

  “Then you understand why I have to fulfill his wish to bring those boys to live here, in our new house.” She eased back enough to see his face. “And I can’t have a new house if it keeps raining.”

  He brushed some hair away from her cheek. “You can’t control the rain, Ravena. And we’ll do our best to finish everything once it stops.”

  “But what if we don’t succeed? What if those boys get sent away on the Orphan Train? I can’t fail in this.”

  His brows rose in obvious confusion. “Why? Your grandfather would understand if something unpreventable stops you.”

  She glanced away, the desperation threatening to consume her again.

  “Why can’t you fail at this?” he repeated. His tone was unusually somber.

  “Because...” Ravena dragged her gaze back to his. “It’s the only way I know that he’ll forgive me.”

  “Forgive you? For what?”

  Swallowing hard, she pushed the truth from her lips, each word cutting deeply. “I was going to leave with you that night. I was going to turn my back on the farm and on my grandfather.” Her voice hitched higher with emotion. “How could have I even considered that, Tex? After all that Grandfather did for me, for us.” She freed one hand to wipe at her eyes. “That’s why I have to do this. I have to make amends by fulfilling his last wishes. I have to show him that I’m still committed to what he wanted, to what he lived for, even if he’s gone.”

  Tex frowned, but she wasn’t sure which part he found most troubling. Or maybe it was all of it. “Ravena,” he said, releasing her to arm’s length, “your grandfather loved you. Do you believe that?”

  She didn’t hesitate to nod.

  “That love wasn’t contingent on your choices. He loved you unconditionally, just as you did him. Anyone could see that.” His expression was more serious than she’d ever seen it before. “Do you feel like he held it over your head that you almost left?”

  “No,” she admitted.

  “I didn’t think so. And you know why?” He waited to go on until she shook her head. “I knew Ezra well enough to know, if there was anything to forgive, he did it a long time ago.”

  Hope rose inside her, pushing at her doubts and fears. “I want to believe that, but...”

  His blue gaze softened as he led her to a chair at the table. She sat as he pulled out another chair to perch on beside her. “I think I know what’s tripping you up.”

  She couldn’t help a chuckle. “You do, huh? And what is that?”

  “It’s something I’ve been wondering about during your Bible reading.”

  It was her turn to lift her eyebrows in question. He’d been joining them each Sunday night, but he hadn’t spoken of anything they’d read since the night they’d discussed the parable of the prodigal son.

  “What have you been thinking?” She was more than a little curious for his answer.

  “Well, you’ve read a lot of stories about forgiveness, right?” He didn’t wait for a reply. “Like the one about Jesus telling the disciples that they needed to forgive seventy times seven. Or the publican that asked God to forgive him with more humility than that Pharisee.”

  She nodded agreement.

  “With all this talk about forgiveness, don’t you think part of that is forgiving yourself?”

  “Yes, of cour—” Ravena stopped talking when he threw a knowing smile. She’d walked right into his argument.

  Tex spread his hands in an imploring gesture. “See? It’s not your grandfather’s forgiveness you need to seek, Ravena.” His countenance grew solemn again as he added, “It’s your own.”

  Was that true? She studied her hands where they lay in h
er lap. Her grandfather had loved her, of that she had no doubt, even after learning that she had planned to elope with Tex.

  She knew Tex was right when he said that her grandfather would never have held a grudge, that he’d forgiven her in his heart right away. So why did she still feel guilty? Does that mean it’s myself I need to forgive, Lord? A feeling of peace, similar to what she’d felt that first night she’d agreed to let Tex stay at the farm, washed through her now.

  She might have been ready to leave, but she hadn’t. After she knew Tex wouldn’t be returning, she’d made a conscious choice to stay, to continue working the farm and helping her grandfather with the orphans. And she’d found much contentment in that. This wasn’t just her grandparents’ way of life; it was hers too.

  “You’re right.” She lifted her chin.

  That boyish grin she adored brightened his face. “Two words I don’t often hear.”

  “I mean it. Thank you, Tex.” Her hopelessness had lifted, replaced with peace and gratitude. Not only was Tex helping make this dream of hers and her grandfather’s a reality, he’d also helped her understand herself better.

  An intensity filled his eyes and made her heart pick up its rhythm. “You’re welcome,” he murmured.

  Ravena forced herself to look away, afraid she’d see the same attraction she felt reflected in his gaze. And if she did, she might give in to her longing to cross the short space between them and kiss him—and not just on the jaw like last time.

  “Our lunch will be cold,” she said as she climbed to her feet. “I’ll warm it up.”

  Tex would eventually leave again, she reminded herself, so there was no point in renewing their past relationship or pursuing her new, growing feelings for him. And yet, as she moved about the kitchen, she realized that argument was getting harder and harder to remember.

  Chapter Eleven

  Once the three days of rain finally ended, clear, dry weather followed—the perfect kind of weather for finishing a house. Tex went at the project with all of his energy. To his surprise, he found himself enjoying his time sawing, nailing and building. It felt good to be creating something. And though he planned to stick closely to Ezra’s original vision for the house, Tex decided to implement a few of his own ideas into the construction. Like adding bay windows to the front and side of the structure.