The Renegade's Redemption Page 16

  After the planting was completed, Ravena made good on her offer to help him with the building whenever she could. Tex liked having her there as he worked, handing him nails or steadying boards, while they conversed. They talked about her grandfather, about the orphans who had come and gone over the years, about memories from their shared youth. The two subjects Tex noticed they both avoided were his eight-year absence and their past relationship.

  Ravena wasn’t the only one assisting him either. Whenever the children weren’t in school or doing chores, one or more of them would usually scramble up the ladder to see his progress and insist on “helping.” They weren’t exactly perfect assistants, but he appreciated their eager willingness, and the cheerful company they offered. Jacob, Ginny and Mark in particular had each taken turns working alongside him until late into the evening, after Ravena would bring them a lantern for light.

  The days passed far more quickly as he immersed himself in building the house, and Tex found himself wishing they’d slow down. With every nail he pounded, he was fulfilling Ravena and Ezra’s dream and bringing an end to his own.

  A dream in which he was a needed part of a family. One in which he wasn’t alone and running from the law or outmaneuvering angry cattle rustlers and vengeful sheriffs. One in which he could easily imagine he and Ravena together again, embracing the feelings stirring in his heart and reflected back at him in her dark brown eyes.

  When there was less than a week left to complete the house, Tex decided to work late that Saturday night, even after Jacob, who’d been helping him, went to bed. A short while later he was surprised to hear footsteps on the staircase. He twisted on the ladder to see who it might be.

  “Thought you’d be trying to sleep by now,” he said when Ravena appeared, the lantern casting her shadow across the nearly completed walls.

  “You too.”

  Tex pushed up his hat. “I wanted to keep going.”

  Crossing the room, Ravena peered out the window opening. “Is it possible the stars look even prettier from up here?”

  He chuckled. “Maybe they do, or maybe you’re just happy the house is almost done.”

  “Maybe.” He sensed more than saw her smile.

  “The house looks wonderful, Tex. Grandfather would say you have the woodworker’s touch.”

  The compliment pleased him, not just because it came from Ravena, but also because he liked to think of having Ezra’s approval.

  “Do you want some help?” she asked as she walked over to the ladder.

  Tex handed her the rusted tin of nails. “You can do what you usually do.”

  “Hand you nails and make conversation?”

  Grinning, he accepted the nail she passed him. He loved her teasing. People might think Ravena serious and reserved, but he’d had the pleasure of seeing her playful, lighthearted side too.

  “Don’t forget looking pretty as a picture in the lantern light,” he added before hammering the nail into place.

  Her eyebrows shot up as she placed another nail in his palm. “Flattery will not get you another piece of pie.”

  Tex bowed his head in mock grief. “Can’t blame a man for trying, especially when it comes to your pie.”

  “Ha. So you admit that remark was flattery?”

  Draping his arm on the top rung of the ladder, he leaned toward her and lowered his voice. “Two things I don’t joke about—your cooking and how beautiful you are.”

  Ravena lowered her gaze, but not before Tex caught sight of the gratitude and affection shining there. It took every ounce of willpower for him to turn back to his hammering instead of climbing off the ladder, sweeping her into his arms and kissing her right then and there.

  “Jacob’s really taken to helping with the building,” he said after clearing his throat.

  She seemed to collect herself too, making him wonder if she might have accepted his kiss. “I think he’s taken to having you around too.”

  Tex shrugged with nonchalance, but he was happy to hear her say so. Each of the children had wormed their way into his heart and he was grateful. He’d carry the memories he’d made here with them—and with Ravena—wherever he went.

  “It’s not just him. I think Luke still wants to bring you to school to show the class,” Ravena added with a soft laugh. How he loved that sound. “And Mark has stopped saying ain’t because according to him ‘Mr. Beckett doesn’t say that.’”

  He had noticed the boy slipping the word in less and less. “Is that bad?”

  “Bad?” she echoed with a look of surprise. “Not at all. You managed to cure him of the habit in no time.”

  “They admire you too.” Tex positioned the next board into place.

  A low sigh escaped her lips. “I hope so. I love them dearly and I’m thrilled to bring another four orphans here. But...”

  He hammered the board on one side, then the other. “But?” he prompted when she didn’t finish.

  “Sometimes I wonder if that’s enough.” Her expression clouded in the lantern’s light. “Now that Grandfather is gone, I worry that they need more than just me to love and care for them.”

  Guilt rose in him as he climbed down the ladder and positioned it farther down the unfinished wall. He hadn’t considered settling down, at least not for the last eight years. But if he were to stay, Ravena wouldn’t be on her own and the children would have more than one adult around who cared about them.

  “You could marry,” he said as much to fill the silence as to see if there was anyone she favored. No suitors had come to the house during his time here, but he didn’t know if there were any young men at church vying for her attention.

  “That’s not funny, Tex.” Her tone implied frustration and a twinge of hurt.

  He paused with his boot on the lowest rung of the ladder. “It wasn’t meant to be.” If Ravena wanted to marry, to give her heart to another, he couldn’t stop her. And if it would make her and the children happy, well, then he wanted that too. Even if the thought of her falling in love with someone else brought a hard ache to his chest. “You’re beautiful and strong, Ravena. Any man would be blessed to call you his wife.”

  His heartfelt words were met with more uncomfortable quiet. He took the nail she offered him and concentrated on nailing the next board in place. Maybe he’d said too much, but she needed to know he wouldn’t hold her to any past promises. And he couldn’t be the man to marry her either, though everything in him wished he could.

  “I don’t plan on marrying.” Her answer came out hardly louder than a whisper. “Not anymore.”

  “Does that mean there are no robust, handsome young men at church?” he asked, trying to avoid the pain her declaration inspired.

  Ravena laughed, but it held none of the softness and merriment it had earlier. “Oh there are.”

  When she didn’t continue, he found himself frowning hard at the plank of wood he steadied with his hand. “No one worthy enough to be your suitor?”

  “If I only wanted robust and handsome, then yes, they’d be fine.” She shook the can of nails, then extracted another for him. “But I want trust and commitment and faith and laughter. I want what my parents and my grandparents had.”

  Tex kept his mouth shut, uncertain what to say in reply. He could offer her laughter; and he believed that he’d improved in the trust and commitment areas too. But Ravena didn’t want someone exhibiting those characteristics for a short time—she wanted them permanently and consistently from the person she married.

  “What about you? Do you plan to marry?” Her question took him by surprise, though it shouldn’t have. He’d been pushing into her personal matters and opening himself up to her doing the same.

  He feigned a casual grin and shook his head. “Naw. I think Tate had it right.” He reached out for another nail. “A girl deserves better than be
ing saddled with me.”

  Instead of agreeing, Ravena squared her shoulders and fell back a step, holding the nails out of reach. “He wasn’t right, Tex. Then or now. Any girl would be proud to have you as a husband. You’re smart and capable. And when you set your mind to something, you don’t do it by half—you work and work until it’s completed. You’re optimistic too and kind and have a knack with the children.”

  Tex lowered his arm and tried not to gape at her. After all the pain he’d brought her, after all the promises he’d broken, how could she defend him? The answer slipped quietly and without fanfare into his mind—she still cared about him.

  Stepping down off the ladder, he took a step toward her. Words he’d been thinking for days crowded his head and clamored up his throat. He’d tell her how much he still cared for her and how coming here had been a blessing. He’d tell her how the fact that he was even thinking of anything in his life in terms of blessings was due to her and her beautiful gift of forgiveness and kindness toward him. He’d tell her he’d realized the other day that he was falling in love with her all over again.

  But before he could give voice to any of it, she extended a nail to him and asked, “What about the girls you met during your travels? Weren’t any of them worthy sweethearts?”

  The inquiries slammed into him like a plank to the skull. It jerked him back to reality and away from the futile hopes he’d given too much thought to lately. He couldn’t let himself forget that he was an outlaw, temporarily hiding out, not looking for a way to settle down and marry the woman he’d once—and still—loved.

  Taking the nail from her, he mumbled “Thanks” and climbed back up the ladder. “I was never in one place long enough,” he offered by way of a response, “to come to know anyone that well.”

  “I imagine there were still a number of broken hearts because of it.”

  Her tone wasn’t condemning, only matter-of-fact. Tex hadn’t meant to break any hearts, especially not Ravena’s. There’d been a couple girls he’d liked through the years, but his conversations with each and the few innocent kisses they’d shared had left him feeling empty. And always had him thinking of Ravena afterward.

  He finished nailing the board, but his heart was no longer in the work tonight. “I think I’ll head to bed.”

  If she was surprised, Ravena didn’t say. She simply nodded and set down the can of nails. Picking up the lantern, he followed her from the room, down the stairs and outside to the old house. She reached the porch first and opened the screen door.

  “Ravena, wait.” He might not be free to share everything he was holding inside, but there was one thing he could tell her—one thing she needed to know. She turned back, her expression unreadable. “There were a few girls I may have liked, but none of them ever took your place.” He forged ahead, even as he saw her eyes widen. “I might not have been here in person, but my thoughts...and my heart...never left.”

  She didn’t speak for a long moment, then she stepped toward him. “I suppose the opposite is true for me. I was here...but my heart was with you, even when I didn’t know where that was.”

  He swallowed hard, fighting the longing to either hold her and never let go...or take off for good. “I’m sorry, Ravena. So very sorry.” He didn’t expound, but he figured she knew exactly what he meant.

  “I know. And I’m grateful for that.”

  She slipped inside, the screen clicking shut behind her. If she’d lingered she might have heard Tex whisper his first real prayer in years. “Help me not break her heart again, Lord,” he said, glancing up at the stars. “Help me see things through with the new house. And then, please, watch over her for me.”

  * * *

  It dawned on him the next morning that this would likely be his last Sunday with Ravena and the children. The new house needed to be completed before the week was out, so she and Jacob could travel to Boise to bring back the other four orphans before they left on the train. After that, Tex had no reason to stay.

  The thought depressed him more than he would have expected. As he shaved and dressed, an idea of how to spend the morning came to mind. It would involve risk, but then again, so had his entire stay on the farm. And if it meant seeing Ravena and the children’s faces light up with enthusiasm, then it would be worth it.

  He entered the kitchen after everyone else and took his customary seat across the table from Ravena and between Ginny and Fanny. After the blessing on the food, he heaped his plate high with eggs, bacon and pancakes and waited for Fanny to ask him her typical question. But the girl seemed more interested in her breakfast than sticking to her usual Sunday routine. Jacob and Mark were arguing over who could eat more bacon, and Luke was performing a one-man musical number with his knife and fork, though Ravena kept asking him to desist.

  Taking a drink, Tex set down his cup and turned toward the little girl. “Anything you want to ask me this morning, Fanny?”

  Her face scrunched in thought. “Did you know I named one of the kitties Mr. Tex?”

  He chuckled. “No, I hadn’t heard that. But thank you. I’m thrilled to have a four-legged creature named after me.” She giggled behind her hand. “Any other questions for me?”

  “Um...are you going to marry Miss Ravena?”

  Tex wasn’t sure who felt more discomfort at that question—him or Ravena. She choked on her breakfast and threw him a pained look, while he shifted uneasily in his seat.

  “Fanny, we discussed this the other day,” Ravena said with obviously forced patience. “Mr. Beckett is still here because he’s helping to finish the new house so we can have four new brothers. That is all.”

  “Okay,” Fanny huffed.

  This wasn’t going at all how Tex had envisioned. Clearing his throat, he tried again. “The question I’m thinking of,” he said, tapping her nose with the handle of his fork, “is one you’ve asked me every Sunday for weeks.”

  She frowned in concentration, then her expression brightened. “Will you come to church with us, Mr. Beckett?”

  There it was. He feigned a contemplative demeanor, noting that Jacob and Mark were no longer arguing and Luke had stopped tapping on his plate. Twisting in his seat to face her directly, he grinned. “Yes, Miss Fanny. I would be most honored to accompany you to church.”

  “Hurray! You’re coming.” Fanny clapped her hands, her eyes all a sparkle.

  Tex looked to Ravena next. Her wide gaze held his, her mouth slightly open in evident shock. Then she smiled, full and sincere, and he felt as if there were no one else in the room but the two of them.

  The children, including Ginny, all began talking to him at once, pulling him back to reality and the crowded kitchen. “All right, children.” Ravena’s voice rose over the happy chaos. “Finish your breakfast and then all of you need to get ready for church.”

  Now that he’d stated his plan, Tex’s gut began churning with apprehension. It had been years since he’d stepped inside a church. Would the preacher call him out? Would someone recognize him as the Texas Titan? He swallowed the bite in his mouth and set down his fork, no longer feeling famished.

  He still managed to smile and make conversation, but he was relieved when the meal finally ended and the children hopped up from their chairs. Following them to the sink, he set his dishes on the sideboard. The sooner he got church over and done with, the better.

  “Do you have a suit?” Ravena asked him.

  Tex glanced down at his regular work shirt and trousers and shook his head. A suit wasn’t something he’d considered either. “Guess I might be underdressed.”

  “Not necessarily.” Her dark brown eyes were lit with warmth. “But I can get you one of Grandfather’s suits if you’d like to wear it.”

  Would he? There didn’t seem any good reason to refuse the offer. The rest of them would be dressing in nicer clothes and maybe he’d feel le
ss conspicuous if he did the same. “I’ll take it. Thanks.”

  Ravena’s expression brightened, making him grateful he’d accepted. “I’ll fetch it from the attic.”

  * * *

  “Come on, boys,” Ravena called up the stairs to Mark and Luke. “We don’t want to be late.” Especially today when Tex had agreed to accompany them to church. She couldn’t believe it, though she was more than happy at the sudden change to his usual Sunday plans.

  Mark and Luke scrambled down the stairs and out the front door. Ravena followed at a more leisurely pace. She’d put on her best dress, a maroon one with a dozen buttons down the bodice, and had taken extra time with her hair, even curling the strands around her face with the curling tongs.

  Outside, she found the children already seated in the back of the wagon. Her gaze went to Tex, where he stood chatting with Jacob and Fanny. He looked incredibly handsome in her grandfather’s suit, his hair dampened with water and free of his usual hat. There were likely to be a number of girls at church who would be paying far less attention to the pastor and far more to Tex.

  “Ready to go?” he asked as he turned in her direction.

  Ravena nodded. When she reached the wagon, he offered her his hand to climb up. “You look lovely, Ravena,” he murmured, his blue eyes surprisingly void of teasing. “But then, some things never change.”

  His compliment prompted a shy smile from her. “You look rather dashing yourself.”

  He chuckled and handed her up onto the seat. In a few moments, he was seated next to her and guiding the horses away from the house. Ravena couldn’t help sneaking glances at him as they turned onto the road and headed for town—just to make sure she wasn’t dreaming.

  Having Tex seated close beside her and the children happily talking in the back felt natural. She could easily imagine this being her life every Sunday.